Find your WHY

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WHY.

When setting big scary goals, of any kind, you MUST have a WHY. What is a why? Well it’s that reason for digging deep. Its what you picture at the finish line that makes the completion of your goal worth all the effort. Your why must evoke emotions that stir your soul and give whatever your goal is, meaning and purpose.

I had my first child when I was 20. I gained 60 lbs with that pregnancy and more during postpartum. I did the same with my second baby and before I knew it I had spent 13 years living with Morbid Obesity.  More than a decade I lived with the feelings of helplessness, worthlessness and sadness. Consequently my children lived with a Mother in their younger years who, couldn’t run and play with them. I don’t know what they noticed, but I know I felt awful about it.

When I was 30 I was surprised to find out I was expecting another baby. I was scared. Not just about the weight gain, but also I was 10 years older than I was when I had my first and even heavier. I couldn’t imagine how I could be a Mother to this baby when I barely made it with my other two!  Having young kids is physically taxing no matter what shape you are in.

THIS is where I found my WHY. It wasn’t until baby number three was 2 though, that I really started to do something about it. From that time until now, three years have passed, 125 lbs are gone and I have thought about my WHY almost everyday of this Journey to health and wellness that continues on a daily basis.

My WHY is easy. I want to be physically and emotionally fit because of my children. I want to give them the BEST of ME. I want them to be proud of who I am, what I have done and what I will continue to do. I hope that they will find strength in my journey, so that when they need to find their own WHY, they can. 

Find your WHY, then go get that goal.....

~E

Shame

How do you talk to yourself? Do you Shame yourself? The before picture of me is very painful to look at. I can feel how awful that girl feels, I can feel the shame that she felt for being an obese person. And I have to admit that posting this picture is hard because I feel so much shame knowing that, that girl was me. However, if you watch this video of one of my favorite researchers and authors, Brene Brown you will learn why posting the picture helps me to release the shame.

Dr. Brené Brown: "Shame Is Lethal"

Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It's the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. If left to its own devices, Dr. Brown says, shame can destroy lives. Watch as she reveals the three things shame requires to grow—and the one thing that can stop shame in its tracks.

hello? hi? remember me?

It's been 2 years since my last blog post and a lot has happened. I always knew I would pick it back up and what was supposed to be a short break turned out to be a long leave of absence. It would take a long time to catch this blog up and bring it up to date; therefore I won't do it all at once, just day by day.

In the past I have used this blog as a journal for my family, that won't change to much. I also used it for therapy, a place to vent, to write, and to reflect, that will all stay the same as well. BUT, my main focus will be on my journey to health and fitness that began many years ago and is ongoing now, and will continue to keep moving forward.

For now, I am signing out with a picture of me. On the left, I weigh approximately 260 ( not my highest weight ) and the picture on the right is of me weighing somewhere around 180 (there is even less of me now). This picture represents the last two years of my life.

~E

Alma 56: 47-48

 

This picture arrangement was put together and given to me by my Mother-In-Law. It is beautiful isn't it? From left to right: Me, My Mom Kristi, My Grandma Josephina Giuseppe Maria Natelli, My Great Grandmother Barbra Maio Natelli.

 The wording in the middle is taken from Alma 56: 47-48

"... They had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, god would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our Mothers knew it..."

"I have mentioned my Grandma before. She kept a very consistent journal during the latter part of her life. She has been on my mind a lot this past couple of weeks. It seems like whenever I face adversity I feel her near me. I draw upon the simple faith that she had, and passed onto my Mom. In almost every entry she speaks of her faith. Here is an example of simple faith.

"...yesterday was one of the most worthless day that I have ever spent. I didn't accomplish anything, and last night I felt so worthless that I could hardly say my prayers. While I was getting into bed the thought came to me to get my day started dedicating my first hour at least, to the Lord. I know when I do this it makes my day 100% better. Just saying my prayers in the morning is not enough, I know I must do some of the things we have been told to do. Writing in my Journal is one the things we are always told to do."  ~ Grandma 09-16-1984

The following entry made me giggle, because I can hear her saying it now, and even more funny, I can hear my Mom saying it. Grandma would roll over in her grave if she saw the junk my husband eats!

"...I'm thankful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints, and that the Lord has given us the Word of Wisdom, however, I'm disgusted with myself for buying candy and cola drinks that are also harmful. I am going to have to start praying much more and fasting to overcome these bad habits"

~ Grandma 

The following entry that I will share, I believe, is the one that I was supposed to find today. It led me to some very important information, that I will be needing.

"After I got up this morning I read a chapter in the Bible, it was the last chapter in Malachi. In the 4th, 5th and 6th Verses it says ...Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.... It makes me very sorrowful that people don't understand these versus. They are so plain and yet the majority of the people don't understand them or don't want to understand that Elijah is speaking of doing genealogy and temple work for our dead who have not received the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. 

During this last General Conference I was reminded that there is to be a Temple in Rome, Italy. The dedication is in about 2 years. When I heard this I thought "I want to go". Later that day I saw my Mom and she said she wanted me to start saving so we could go to Rome for the temple dedication. I really think that we both had this thought from inspiration.

My Grandma is a first generation Italian American. Her Parents immigrated to the USA and had 12 or 13 kids. They came from Gioi, Salerno, Italy. As a young navy wife my grandmother who was raised devote catholic, catholic school and all... had a cute little Mormon couple as nieghbors. She admired them. They were loving and sweet. It was because of them that she became an investigator of the Church. She joined shortly after, her husband never did neither did any of her extended family. 

Before my Grandma died she did as much Temple Work as she could, but she didn't have the technology that we have now. Since her death she has had more siblings die. Today after I read my Grandma's entry about Elijah I ran a Google search on the name Natelli. Immediately I found the obituary for her sister Madeline. She died 1 year and 3 days ago. I am pretty sure she and my Grandma want her work done. This inspiration has been coming in waves during the last month or so, bit by bit, and today it all made sense. I often feel like I have little talents, and I wonder what is my purpose in life. I know now I do have a job to do. I am actually very talented at researching, I have been since I was young. I need to use my talent to find my Grandma's family and get their work done. It won't be easy, and it will for sure require a trip or two to Italy, but it is something I am going to do.

My Grandma was just one woman with great and simple faith and she has built a posterity of faithful members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Even from the other side she is still sharing the gospel and teaching it. She needs her family to carry on her work. It amazes me that one woman can build a small kingdom through faith, inspiration and obedience.