FHE: Dinner and a Movie

Last night for Family Home Evening we took the kiddos out for Chinese food and a movie, "Diary of a Wimpy Kid."  Going out for dinner and going to movies are two of our favorite activities so it was double fun. Dinner was good and the movie was hilarious! It does have a bit of potty humor, but, if you know my family that is funny. The biggest impression that was left with me as I walked out of the theatre wasn't all of the humor or the clever story, it was the very subtle notion of having a diary.

Everyone should have a diary or a journal kids and adults alike. I remember my first diary. It was no bigger than 3x5 and it locked. My Mom started for me when I was an infant. She wrote all kinds of stories about me up until I could write myself. Then when I was 8 I got one for my baptism, I think I was pretty good at writing in it. When I turned 12 I got my last one that I can remember. I mostly only wrote in it when I was piping mad at my parents about this or that, or when friends were being mean and probably a bit about boys...mostly drama ( I was a normal teenager).

Unfortunately, I don't have any of these journals. They were all destroyed in the Tornado. Because of this I am feeling a bit of an urgency to try to remember some of those stories, so that my children and their children will have them.

My Grandma Joan started keeping a faithful journal when she was in her early 50's. When she died she left about 10 really good journals. Being able to look back and read her journals has been such a learning experience for me. She documented her conversion to the church when she was a young navy wife with a few little babies. She documented her testimony not only formally, but every single day as she talked about her prays, faith and blessings. She documented her struggles and her pains, and how the Lord never turned his back on her.

I had an exceptionally hard pregnancy with Hayden. Through out I kept a pretty extensive journal. In it I kept a good record of what happened during his birth, we both almost died. I lost the journal in the tornado, but I was blessed because I can look back in my grandma's journal to the week of the birth and she recorded a whole bunch of things about it. Things that I had forgotten. That is one of those Tender Mercies that the Lord has blessed me with.

So here I am starting over with my Journals. I plan to use this blog, 1: because it can't fly away and 2: it's convenient. Some of the memories I blog may not have any value to strangers or friends, but maybe like the entries from my Grandma's Journal about Hayden's birth, something will mean something to someone in my family when I am long gone. Consider this my first entry. Hopefully I will be diligent in my efforts and my mind will be clear so I can remember the important things. ~E

Focus.

Staying focused has got to be one of my biggest challenges. I really do have a mind that wanders away if I let it. For me, right now, I am holding to focus with a death grip.

Test.
I have 2 tests today. One on Adolescent Development and one on GPS, GIS and statistics. I need focus for the latter, because I was not at all interested in it. I have had a really hard time focusing on my school lately. However, I am so glad I am going. I am proud of myself for taking the initiative to go back, it is a priceless lesson that I am teaching my kids about getting an education, the same lesson my Mom taught me.

Today.
I spoke to one of my dearest friends this week, Hayely. She is actually one of my best friends from High school and happens to be my 1st cousin. She is one of those friends who, even with no contact for over 10 years, I can speak to as if I have every day for 10 years. She helped me with my focus. Focus to live in the present, the now. I have a tendency to get ahead of myself, and when I do so, I start panicking. So today I am enjoying this snowy day and sipping Hot Chocolate with my little Sophie.

Results.
There is a well defined non-calcified nodule present in the right lung, lower lobe. 7mm X 3mm thick. 
This is the news I got 2 weeks ago. I will see a lung doctor April 4th. Most likely he will just schedule more tests. I am trying really hard to be positive. Focus is the key. Focus on today, on my positive thoughts. Focus on my husband who is very positive and has no doubt that I am fine. Focus on being a good Mom, Focus on my blessings, Focus on the deep breath that I am taking today.


Focus, Focus...Focus.

Quick Update

Well, last week was not the bomb! Wes was away on business for 6 days, and that was not as easy as it used to be. He is just such a huge part of my happiness!! I missed him. I wrapped up my Doctor supervised diet with my GP and Psychologist, however I am not submitting my paperwork for a month at least. I am going to see a specialist for my lungs first, I would hate to have surgery before my lungs are well. That is all for now. Have a happy day!

Powerful.

I awoke to this news (with the rest of the world).

 These Photos hold such power in them. Sadly, I remember when the Tsunami hit Thailand years ago and I was amazed by the pictures that I saw, fascinated by the damage done; however, now pictures of devastation are very personal for me. These pictures are all over the news today and will be for the next few weeks; eventually the story will loose it's shock factor and the world will move on to new stories. Japan will not recover so quickly. This kind of devastation I am sure will take over a decade to mend. Not just the infrastructure, but the hearts and souls of the Japanese people will need to be healed. It's such an amazing feeling, literally helplessness sets in when you realize just how vulnerable you are as a human being, and you are forever changed. This earth we live on is much more powerful than anything that we can ever come up against. Please, if you are reading this, no matter what higher power you believe in, pray for Japan and it's people, pray to express gratitude for your safety, and don't take for granted your own stability and security's because like mine were taken away in 30 seconds almost 3 years ago, and Japans was gone in 2 minutes today, you never know when you will loose yours.

33.

I am not sure how I feel today. Honestly, a bit scared. I am having the C-Scan done on my lung today of all days, funny how that happens. If you know me very well you will know that I have terrible Birthday anxiety, I don't know why! I just pray that today I can get passed that issue by getting the results of a clean C-Scan. It would be a very nice Birthday Gift. I really dislike this life flashing before your eyes feeling, 1pm can not come fast enough. I am probably worrying about nothing, right? Funny how life can change so quickly, last week I am worrying about some petty situation and this week there is real cause for concern. Lesson learned, no more worrying about silly things, such a waste of time. WOW, who knew you gained such wisdom at 33;)

Wes is out of town on a business trip, he felt so bad. His dad gave me a nice priesthood blessing last night, I am so grateful for that. It helped me sleep. Poor Wes is really sad he isn't here. He has been extra sweet by getting me a cake Sunday, and I got roses delivered from him yesterday. I am a lucky girl.

Girls Weekend!!!

I have the privilege to go on a getaway with a bunch of other Mommies this weekend! I need it so bad, it couldn't come at a better time. Wes has been fabulous to let me go. He is assuring me he can handle getting the kiddos ready for a 9 AM baptism in the morning, he is an angel!

I am looking forward to:

Bonding time with old Friends

Moving forward with new friends

Eating Juli's delicious Navajo Tacos

Playing some fun games

Movies

Laughing, Laughing and Laughing!!

I am Truly Blessed with friends who stick by me through the good times and the not so good.

Bear Lake here we COME!!

Rollercoaster!

WOW! I feel like my head is spinning. February was crazy busy, and March is in the running to be even more busy! The fact that I got sick last week has been a bit of a shake up as well. My emotions have been up and down and up again.
    
     Just over a week ago I started having chest pain. I let it bother me for 3 days, and after it was really bad Friday night I decided I should go in to the ER. I was thinking maybe a blood clot. After the work up the DR. came in and said it was pneumonia. I shouldn't have been surprised because I have a long history of pneumonia. But I thought I was safe because I got a Pneumonia shot. Last year after the last time I had it my GP thought it was starting to get a bit suspicious, so she made an appointment for me with a lung specialist she wanted to rule out the possibility of cancer. Just the word freaked me out. I should not worry cause I don't smoke and never have been around it, but, I cleaned houses for 12 years breathing in bleach and phosphorus on a regular basis, so actually I have damaged my lungs. I was so worried, I didn't show at the appointment. I didn't want to hear bad news. That was last May. So Monday, here I was again with pneumonia and the pain seemed to be getting worse. I went into instacare and the Dr. added a few more meds. Then he told me because of my lack of symptoms, no fever, no cold or cough and increasing pain he was moved to think it could be cancer. That word "CANCER", oh the horror. He said that he would rather wait and see what the antibiotic did, because it only costs 20 bucks opposed to 1500 for the C-scan. He believed if it was cancer it could wait 3 weeks for the C-Scan. I went home and was in shock. Every time I looked at Sophie I would tear up. First thing in the morning I was at my GP's office without an appointment. My Dr. got me right in, and yes this is the one that I had a problem with a bit ago. She was fabulous. She went through everything, one thing we realized is my pneumonia was on the right side, no body ever told me this. The pain is all on the left! I have never been so happy to hear a possible diagnosis of shingles, I can handle that better than cancer. Anyway, I don't have shingles. I have a very bad muscle strain that happened in Vegas when I was carrying heavy bags while shopping! I am still going to the specialist, and the right lung will be x-rayed again in 4 weeks to make sure I am clear. If I am not I will have the C-scan. For now, I am living life with out worry. There is a set back though. I was planning on having surgery in 4 weeks (gastric bypass) it will be put on hold for a bit. I have to go into it with healthy lungs. OK, so how boring!! I applaud whom ever is still reading.

       Every day counts, who knows, just because I don't have cancer today, I could get in an accident tomorrow. Life is short, my rollercoaster ride has been a good reminder of that. I choose to make every day count as a good one, I choose good friends who build me up and eliminate drama. I choose to love my family with all my heart...and to tell them at least 10 times a day. I am so thankful for today! ~E

Spread the Word to End the Word.wmv

The r-word is offensive on so many levels, when used not only does it shows lack of depth and character, but complete disregard for the beauty of one of gods Creations. Think before you speak. ~E

Amazing.

This weeks assignment in SPED was to read the following article "Amazing" Reprinted with permission of the Helen Dwight Reid Educational Foundation, from RE:view, Volume 29, number 3, Fall, 1997, published by Heldref Publications 1319 18th St., N.W., Washington, D.C. 20036-1802. 

AMAZING...
Have you ever been called a saint? It used to happen to me regularly. Every time I was picked up by a cab at the Helen Keller National Center in Sands Point, New York, the driver would eventually say something like, "You must be a saint to work with those people. It is so amazing what they can do."
Those of you who know me will readily attest to the fact that I am no saint! Like all of us, I come to work every day and try to do the best that I can with the tools and resources available. Sometimes I manage really well; at other times nothing seems to go right. So, if I'm not a saint, does that mean that the people with disabilities with whom I work are not amazing?
The print and TV media have called Christopher Reeve a miracle because he has gotten on with his life despite his accident and severe disability. Is this just another example of the news media's quest for a story and publicity hype that surrounds stars? Maybe, but it isn't going away. Every time Chris Reeve does something that would be expected of anyone else in his profession, he is described as "amazing."
That attitude crops up even closer to home. Recently someone working in an agency that serves people who are blind commented to a professional who is deaf-blind, "I just can't understand how you are able to get up every day and do the things you do."
What generates this attitude of amazement? Why shouldn't people who are deaf-blind or who have other severe disabilities do the things that we take for granted in everyone else? Why is it amazing that they get up and go to work every day? Why is it amazing that they can use a cab? Why is it amazing that they fall in love and get married? Why is it amazing that they go to school and get an education? Those things are not just expected, but assumed, of everyone.
Are individuals with deaf-blindness and other disabilities somehow lesser people? To some degree this amazement is everywhere. It comes from an attitude that these people are unlike us and limited in their abilities; therefore, it is okay to expect less of them. Indeed we should expect less from them.
It is time for us not only to stop expecting less from people with disabilities, but to stop rewarding them for doing what everyone is expected to do as a full member of society. Let's not give them just the right to an accessible voting place but also the responsibility to go and vote.
How can our services help people with disabilities if our personal expectations are that only the amazing among our clients and students will be able to do what we take for granted in people without disabilities? In a way it is amazing that people with disabilities ever overcome those beliefs about themselves.
We need to eradicate that attitude from our profession and also to set the world straight. Expect people with disabilities to do. Expect them to use your cab, rent your apartment, come into your store. Be prepared to accommodate them just as you would any good customer.
We should save our amazement for something really appropriate. We need to look at people with disabilities as being basically like everyone else. Yes, sometimes they need our help, but most of us could use help from time to time. Underneath their infinite variety, human beings are the same with the same needs, desires, and dreams. If we truly see the value in all people, we will cease to be amazed when they show their individual worth.

 My reply:

Amazing

In the article “Amazing” the author takes a very interesting opinion. She states “If we truly see the value in all people, we will cease to be amazed when they show their individual worth.”

This is a very bold statement. One that, I really have a strong inclination to disagree with.  The Webster dictionary’s definition of “amazed” is as follows:

: to fill with wonder

The word “amazed” to me is just another word for inspiring.  Let’s face it this world we live in is cold, and unresponsive, you could even say desensitized. In my opinion that desensitized attitude of our culture contributes to a hostile environment for pwd’s. Why in the world would we want to cut out the feeling of inspiration we get when we see a person who against the odds (because of the world we live in) does something admirable, or amazing.

Being a pwd, I look for amazing people to inspire me, to give me courage. My mental illness makes it hard for me to go out in public, while this is expected of pwod, putting the same expectation on me is very stressful. Not to say that I don’t go shopping, or go out to eat or other things, it just takes a bit more for me to go out, I have to ready myself mentally. When I go to the store, or out to run errands, it is “amazing” to me and I feel accomplishment. What is so wrong with that? What is wrong with being amazed with people who work with pwd’s, it is just another job, but, it is not one that people are running out to do. In fact SPED teachers are in high demand, what is not amazing about the job. I am also amazed by people who choose to get Doctorate Degrees…so what, it’s nice to be inspired.

I feel the author of this article has bought into the coldness of society, and is making a terrible judgment on people who are inspiring or being inspired.

 
Please share your opinions. ~E