Taking a Breather to Count My Blessings.

I am not going to lie, this last week has been tough. First with the loss of my little friend Oscar (my dog), then a few days later I welcomed the Swine Flu most graciously into my lungs! Reguardless of these things, I must look on the positive side of things and count my blessings.

As I sit here tonight, in my little corner doing my nebulizer treatment ( see pic of nebulizer) for my Asthma/pneumonia I am over whelmed with so much gratitude. I have so many things to be thankful for. So here it goes....

I am looking at a clean house thanks to Wes and the kids. They all pitched in tonight to help get it all done. It was such a mess this afternoon, I didn't know what I was going to do. As I sat in the Doctors office listening to her give me instructions, I could hardly contain myself. She kept saying things like SLEEP,REST,TAKE IT EASY, SLEEP. In my mind I was thinking how in the heck can I do that when I have such a Stinky house? It was such a blessing to come home and have a husband who really cares and wanted to help. I am so lucky! BTW, yesterday was our 13Th anniversary. We couldn't go on a hot date, there was no fancy meal, but he did all he could to make me comfy. He got me lots of new fuzzy socks, some new Jammie's, slippers and flowers. I am afraid all I have given him is the impending swine flu. I am so blessed to have such a cute, fun little family and a home that is full of love and for at least a moment is clean (except for our bedrooms)

I am so grateful for friends and neighbors. I had lots of people offer to bring meals in tonight for us. We had a wonderful dinner and dessert, someone else brought french bread, and someone else brought an apple pie. Again, I am blessed. And, most certainly humbled by the goodness of people. It makes me want to try a little harder to be a little better.

I am thankful for my warm house, I hear that we may wake up to snow in the morning! There is nothing better than a cozy warm house on a winter day.

I am blessed to have the knowledge that I can pray at anytime to my Heavenly Father. I can pray for help, for comfort, for knowledge, for forgiveness or just to say thanks. The best part is....he listens, he is waiting for me to pray and converse with him because he loves me, and wants the best for me. AMAZING I know!

Life certainly has it's ups and downs, sometimes it helps to just sit, take a breath (even if it is assisted with a nebulizor) and think about all of your blessings. Life IS good. ~E

Dedicated to Oscar.....RIP

My little companion Oscar died last night. I was pulling up to the house and he got excited and ran under my back tire. He died in my arms on the way to the vet last night at 10:30. I am so heartbroken. he was a great dog!

Quiz.

Humor me and take my quiz, it really does have a point! I am going to give you a tag-line, slogan, or part of a jingle. Name the product or Brand it represents. (The answers are in the comments)

Some times you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't:

Just DO It:

Where's the Beef:

Are you in good hands:

The Quicker Picker Upper:

Like a Rock:

The Fabric of our Lives:

Snap, Crackle, Pop:

Melt's in your mouth, Not in your hands.

How did you do? I did fantastic! Kind of proud that I knew all of them. But really, when I start to think about it, how did I know all of them? A few weeks ago Gracie and I went out for lunch to our favorite chinese place. When she opened her fortune cookie it said "always be in control of your mind, or someone else will. She had know Idea what that meant. I explained that our minds are like sponges and they can soak up alot of unwanted information. The proof is in my little Quiz.

Yesterday for Young Women I taught the lesson. It was on worthy thoughts, and having good thoughts. It really was a great lesson, it made me seriously think about my own mind and the "clutter" it may have. I really do feel like a battle with my mind sometimes, You're fat, your lazy, You're worthless... and so on.

Proverbs 23:7: ‘as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he’

Elder Boyd k. Packer gave a wonderful talk on the subject of thoughts. Some of the things he spoke of were as follows

" Probably the greatest challenge and the most difficult thing you will face in mortal life is to learn to control your thoughts."

"As you learn to control your thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits.You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life."

"I had been told a hundred times or more as I grew up that thoughts must be controlled, but no one had told me how. I’ve thought about this over the years and have decided that the mind is like a stage. During every waking moment the curtain is up. There is always some act being performed on that stage. It may be a comedy, a tragedy, interesting or dull, good or bad; but always there is some act playing on the stage of your mind.

“Have you noticed that shady little thoughts may creep in from the wings and attract your attention in the middle of almost any performance on that stage and without any real intent on your part? These delinquent thoughts will try to upstage everybody. If you permit them to go on, all thoughts of any virtue will leave the stage. You will be left, because you consented to it, to the influence of unrighteous thoughts. If you yield to them, they will enact for you on the stage of your mind anything to the limits of your toleration. They may enact themes of bitterness, jealousy, or hatred. They may be vulgar, immoral, even depraved. When they have the stage, if you let them, they will devise the most clever persuasions to hold your attention. They can make it interesting all right, even convince you that they are innocent, for they are but thoughts. What do you do at a time like that, when the stage of your mind is commandeered by the imps of unclean thinking, whether they be the gray ones that seem almost clean, or the filthy ones which leave no room for doubt? If you can fill your mind with clean and constructive thoughts, then there will be no room for these persistent imps, and they will leave."

Elder packer offered up some help, something that he does to control his thoughts. He has memorized some of his favorite uplifting songs, and when something negative trys to enter his mind he can shut it down with the song, and go to a happy peaceful place. He says that if you do it enough the song will eventually become second nature and you will just start reverting to it with out having to make much effort.

As some of you know Gracie has been dealing with terrible stomach aches. The more testing we have done the more it looks like it is how she is manifesting the stress from the tornado. Last night I tried something with her. Instead of her telling me how sick she felt I had her repeat 10 times...I feel great, I am health and happy! I don't know if she was sold, but she did it and you know what...she slept all night.

One of of my challenges in this life is being a pessimist or a realist I like to call it. I really loved this lesson and teaching it, I feel like it has empowered me to take my mind back, just because I have been told that it is my nature to be negative, I don't have to settle with that...I am what I want to be.

Thanks for reading my post, I am sure to some it might have not made any sense, but hopefully it helped someone like it helped me. ~E

Feeling a Little Domestic....

Last week Sophia and I took a quick trip to Layton to visit Tai Pan ( A home decorating store). We had a great time. She cracks me up because she is nuts over the place! I really didn't have any intention of purchasing anything. I have had a gift card for about a year that I needed to use. But unless something popped right out at me, I wasn't going to buy anything. Back in the good ole'days I used to find much pleasure for decorating, but not so much in the last couple of years. But, as we walked into one of the rooms in the store, this print jumped right out at me! I love it! It looks really good on my vaulted wall. I am very proud of myself for finally doing a little bit of decorating. And a little secret...I had fun.

Sunday night me and the kids dipped Carmel Apples! I was delightful, we had a great time. We all thought they looked to nice too eat, but we ate them anyway!

I don't know why I feel like I have accomplished so much, but it feels good anyway. Oh and here is a shocker my whole upstairs is spotless as I am typing this... yippee! I think tomorrow I will try to make some bread.... don't hold your breath though! ~E

Reality Check.... For Everyone.

If you are a regular reader of my blog then you have seen a glimpse into my life, and , know the struggles that my family and I have faced over the last 16 months. We have our lives before the Tornado, and life after the Tornado. Recently, after visiting a new doctor, I have been enlightened. Seriously, Wes and I have sometimes felt like we are spiraling into a down hill abyss along with our children. She says there is a treatment that will help us, the price tag is 4000.00 each, insurance will not cover this. There is no way we can afford it, she told me to pray about it, and if it is Gods Will it will somehow work out. I believe this and I am praying hard.

In doing research about the treatment, I also was able to research PTSD. I was floored that each one of us has displayed the symptoms in different ways. I was relieved to know that we aren't all going insane, but also I can see we have a long road of healing in front of us. We all see a phycologist, but that is just not quite enough.

Some of the problems weighing me down seem like they may not be a big deal to someone else, but just the everyday battle of life impacts me to the point that the pressure gets to be too much.

One of the hardest things about this are the people who judge us. Who, when they see my house that is a disaster think oh she is just lazy. Or when they witness one of my kids having an outburst they think my kid is rotten.

We have friends who aren't our friends anymore, we have family members who intentionally try to hurt us and talk down to us. This has been a struggle. We have told ourselves it's ok, be strong, who needs them anyway....but it still hurts to know that people you thought cared about you have no compassion for what you have been through. Wes and I have done many firesides, talks .... and we have had co workers show up , friends we haven't seen, all without invites, but some family who couldn't care less. They don't even act interested.

If you are my friend, or not, if you care about us, or not, please go to this link that I am posting.

http://ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_commonreactions.html

and

http://ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_survivors_disaster.html

Please read it and know what we are living on a daily basis, so that when you see that I am on Facebook at 3 am maybe you won't think I am addicted, you will wonder if I have had another horrible dream where I haven't been able to save my family from the storm. Or when I drop the ball and can't show up to a commitment because I can't face the world you might have a little compassion for me.

This is so hard to write, but I felt I needed to . Because when I try to explain to people how I feel , I can't it's too hard.

I am so very grateful for the many good friends and family members I DO have, for the love support and understanding that I do receive. Thank you for putting up with me. ~E

Playhouse

A couple of weeks ago we had our first rainstorm in months. We were all excited for it! I just wanted to get cozy make some soup and read all day, that is my idea of a perfect rainy day. The kids were out of school on break, and Gracie was so excited to have rain. Her idea of celebrating was to build a hut on the grass...in the rain. I didn't want to squash her fun, so I let her go ahead with the crazy idea. As she was hauling lawn chairs all over the yard, and blankets and umbrellas, sophie was inside watching her with envious intention. She had a plan. She came into the kitchen with some mismatched socks (one was Gracie's the other was Wes). Then somewhere she found gracie's purse and swung it over her shoulder like a nap sack. When the hut the was completed I went out to take some photo's. As I started snapping the pictures I felt a quick breeze on my legs. Soon I realized what it was. It was Sophie rushing full fledged out to the hut. To Gracie and my horror Sophie threw her self on top of all the blankets, and to add a little cherry on top, Oscar went and got comfy too. It was so funny, but sad at the same time. Gracie was so not pleased, and Sophie couldn't have been more pleased. I couldn't laugh out loud but inside, I could hardly contain myself.