In doing research about the treatment, I also was able to research PTSD. I was floored that each one of us has displayed the symptoms in different ways. I was relieved to know that we aren't all going insane, but also I can see we have a long road of healing in front of us. We all see a phycologist, but that is just not quite enough.
Some of the problems weighing me down seem like they may not be a big deal to someone else, but just the everyday battle of life impacts me to the point that the pressure gets to be too much.
One of the hardest things about this are the people who judge us. Who, when they see my house that is a disaster think oh she is just lazy. Or when they witness one of my kids having an outburst they think my kid is rotten.
We have friends who aren't our friends anymore, we have family members who intentionally try to hurt us and talk down to us. This has been a struggle. We have told ourselves it's ok, be strong, who needs them anyway....but it still hurts to know that people you thought cared about you have no compassion for what you have been through. Wes and I have done many firesides, talks .... and we have had co workers show up , friends we haven't seen, all without invites, but some family who couldn't care less. They don't even act interested.
If you are my friend, or not, if you care about us, or not, please go to this link that I am posting.
and
Please read it and know what we are living on a daily basis, so that when you see that I am on Facebook at 3 am maybe you won't think I am addicted, you will wonder if I have had another horrible dream where I haven't been able to save my family from the storm. Or when I drop the ball and can't show up to a commitment because I can't face the world you might have a little compassion for me.
This is so hard to write, but I felt I needed to . Because when I try to explain to people how I feel , I can't it's too hard.
I am so very grateful for the many good friends and family members I DO have, for the love support and understanding that I do receive. Thank you for putting up with me. ~E
7 comments:
I am so sorry for everything that you and your family are going through. I do not understand how anyone who knows the trauma your family underwent could not understand that there would be long term effects from it. I am sorry that people can be so insensitive. I hope that these sites help. They were informative. Good Luck!
Erin,
Good job. I love you! I don't feel like I've been there enough for you and your family, but just know, I'm so very proud of all of you.
Love, MOM
You are an amazing person to me! I am so glad I have been able to get to know you. Let me know if you ever need anything.
Shoot! I wish I could just reach across the country and give you a big, huge hug. People...well, seeing how I'm a good LDS woman I just can't say it (a little Oz humor, too much?). I really wish we'd gotten to spend more time together while you were here. Just try to remember that above all else you are a daughter of God and you and your family are here for a reason and you all have great things to accomplish in this life. Every morning you wake up on this earth is a step in the right direction towards completing His plan for you. I have to believe that in the end you will all come out stronger and better people than before with more to offer one another and the world than you ever thought possible. Thank you for your courage and honesty. Seriously, everyone has bad days and I think you're entitled to more than most.
I feel ya sister! I would like to throttle whomever is giving you and yours a hard time! How dare they, especially family members, judge your actions. I believe they are jealous of your testimony, your strong marriage and your sweet family and this is how they deal with it. Why is it that we, as humans, insist on knocking each other down instead of being supportive of one another? Don't get me wrong, I have been guilty of this plenty of times, but wouldn't it be nice if we all banded together and held each other up? Erin, I want you to know that I am holding you and your family up. I still need to work on holding some other people up, but for now, I will get started with you. Thank you for giving of your self so others can have a tiny glimpse of what God can do if we will listen and follow. You are super!!!!
Oh Erin.. I don't know you as well as I want but sometimes I feel like I have known you for years. When something attempts to destroy your family, your life & your strength it takes a lot more than just time to over come it. It will be a part of you forever. 6 years after my divorce and at times I still feel pain from it. I watch the pain my children go through every time they are juggled back and forth. But I have recognized that I am who I am because of it. No one should have the right to say how they would deal with it or how they feel about it until they have gone through it. NO ONE should judge until they have walked in your shoes but yet it happens.. so sad time after time it happens. I wish this world had more sympathy & empathy. More love & trust for one another. Hugs sweetie. Just know that you are LOVED!! Your family is loved. :)
First of all... who needs the people that make us feel like a pile of poo in our lives anyways??? We are trying the best we can to get through the day, the week, the year. Life is hard enough without those voices in our heads making us feel like we are lazy or not committed or unstable. As you know I have been going through many trials as well and some people just don't 'get it'. They just don't. It doesn't mean that we need to go through those same trials, but we can TRY to be compassionate and loving towards each other. Some days it's hard just getting out of bed. I'm sad that we didn't get to know each other while you lived here in Iowa, but I'm glad that we can get to know each other now. I hope that your trials are short-lived and that you can remain faithful. For me... I'm right in it with ya. I don't understand WHY I'm going through the crap I'm going through, but I know that I'm grateful for friends and family that love and support me even if they don't fully understand. I hope that you can find something to ease your pain and suffering. They tell me that it gets better... I'm crossing my fingers!!!
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