Alma 56: 47-48

 

This picture arrangement was put together and given to me by my Mother-In-Law. It is beautiful isn't it? From left to right: Me, My Mom Kristi, My Grandma Josephina Giuseppe Maria Natelli, My Great Grandmother Barbra Maio Natelli.

 The wording in the middle is taken from Alma 56: 47-48

"... They had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, god would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our Mothers knew it..."

"I have mentioned my Grandma before. She kept a very consistent journal during the latter part of her life. She has been on my mind a lot this past couple of weeks. It seems like whenever I face adversity I feel her near me. I draw upon the simple faith that she had, and passed onto my Mom. In almost every entry she speaks of her faith. Here is an example of simple faith.

"...yesterday was one of the most worthless day that I have ever spent. I didn't accomplish anything, and last night I felt so worthless that I could hardly say my prayers. While I was getting into bed the thought came to me to get my day started dedicating my first hour at least, to the Lord. I know when I do this it makes my day 100% better. Just saying my prayers in the morning is not enough, I know I must do some of the things we have been told to do. Writing in my Journal is one the things we are always told to do."  ~ Grandma 09-16-1984

The following entry made me giggle, because I can hear her saying it now, and even more funny, I can hear my Mom saying it. Grandma would roll over in her grave if she saw the junk my husband eats!

"...I'm thankful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints, and that the Lord has given us the Word of Wisdom, however, I'm disgusted with myself for buying candy and cola drinks that are also harmful. I am going to have to start praying much more and fasting to overcome these bad habits"

~ Grandma 

The following entry that I will share, I believe, is the one that I was supposed to find today. It led me to some very important information, that I will be needing.

"After I got up this morning I read a chapter in the Bible, it was the last chapter in Malachi. In the 4th, 5th and 6th Verses it says ...Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.... It makes me very sorrowful that people don't understand these versus. They are so plain and yet the majority of the people don't understand them or don't want to understand that Elijah is speaking of doing genealogy and temple work for our dead who have not received the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. 

During this last General Conference I was reminded that there is to be a Temple in Rome, Italy. The dedication is in about 2 years. When I heard this I thought "I want to go". Later that day I saw my Mom and she said she wanted me to start saving so we could go to Rome for the temple dedication. I really think that we both had this thought from inspiration.

My Grandma is a first generation Italian American. Her Parents immigrated to the USA and had 12 or 13 kids. They came from Gioi, Salerno, Italy. As a young navy wife my grandmother who was raised devote catholic, catholic school and all... had a cute little Mormon couple as nieghbors. She admired them. They were loving and sweet. It was because of them that she became an investigator of the Church. She joined shortly after, her husband never did neither did any of her extended family. 

Before my Grandma died she did as much Temple Work as she could, but she didn't have the technology that we have now. Since her death she has had more siblings die. Today after I read my Grandma's entry about Elijah I ran a Google search on the name Natelli. Immediately I found the obituary for her sister Madeline. She died 1 year and 3 days ago. I am pretty sure she and my Grandma want her work done. This inspiration has been coming in waves during the last month or so, bit by bit, and today it all made sense. I often feel like I have little talents, and I wonder what is my purpose in life. I know now I do have a job to do. I am actually very talented at researching, I have been since I was young. I need to use my talent to find my Grandma's family and get their work done. It won't be easy, and it will for sure require a trip or two to Italy, but it is something I am going to do.

My Grandma was just one woman with great and simple faith and she has built a posterity of faithful members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Even from the other side she is still sharing the gospel and teaching it. She needs her family to carry on her work. It amazes me that one woman can build a small kingdom through faith, inspiration and obedience.

Pulmonologist.

This was my update last night on my facebook:

Today went really well. Pulmonary Dr. was very optimistic that the mass is nothing to worry about! I will just get one more scan in 6 months. he was way more concerned with my asthma, I had treatment in the office, got a script and was sent on my way smiles all around! I wish I could have the last month back, but I can't,however I learned a lot about myself and realized how blessed I am. Thanks for all the kind words, thoughts and prayers.

I have been emotionally and mentally paralyzed for a month. The relief I felt today has been nothing short of a miraculous burden lifted from my GUTS.  It has been a very lonely month, I won't lie. Wes was gone 2 weeks during all this because of work. He hated it, it was so hard for him. He was gone for my birthday so I drove myself to my C-Scan that day. Of course my Mom called me that day, and Wes, but nobody else. I prayed so hard for someone to call me to get my mind off what was happening. My Birthdays never have been easy, and I was so scared, call it superstitious but I was scared I was going to learn I was dieing on my birthday. I am so grateful for Juli, for coming to check on me so often when she knew I was too distraught to answer my phone, and to my angel cousin Hayley for calling me and helping me get a grip on my thoughts, I am thankful to Linda for messaging me and sending me her love, and her daughter Hayley for sending me thoughts of understanding, I am so grateful for Kara, who caught me after church and gave me a hug, and for Tara who watched Sophie, and of course for my family ( Mom, Dad, sisters,  and Wes' parents) for being worried and loving me, and of course Wes who did everything in his power to comfort me, and to my wonderful home teacher who showed up with Papa Murphy's one night, he and his wife have no idea how much it meant to me that night. Wes was gone on business and all I could do was pray "please help me, please help me" while trying to stay strong for my kids. I am thankful for the invaluable visit I had with my Grandparents. My Grandpa has cancer,  and I haven't seen him much at all in the last 3 years. I was prompted to go see them, and I walked away 2 hours later with an over whelming feeling of peace. He told me of great people who had faced great adversity with dignity and who were blessed. We talked about Joseph Smith in liberty Jail. We talked about how the Lord will never, ever forsake you even in the worst of circumstance. We talked about my Dad and the adversity that he has conquered. He went 17 years away from the church and has now been back for 3 and is in a Bishopric. He is a pure example of  what the Atonement of Jesus Christ is for and how beautiful it is. I walked away from their house feeling like no matter what, the Lord would do what was right, regardless of the outcome. It's always amazing to look back and see something that you thought was so horrible to begin with, prove to be such a life altering lesson. As soon as I left my Grandparents, on my 2 hour drive home I prayed. I prayed the whole way. Something powerful happened, that I compare to my moment of conversion which I will share someday. Up until that day in prayers I was praying for a miracle, please help me not to have cancer, please, please....help me to live. In the prayer while I was driving I felt a peace come over me and I really really truly submitted to the Lords will. I submitted my life to his will...it was so hard, but so peaceful at the same time. I let him take my burden, and I thought about Gethsemane and the pain he suffered personally for my pain and anguish. From that day on, I wasn't sure if I felt peace because my mass was nothing or if I felt peace because it was something, but that I would be OK. Yesterday I got my answer. 

Immediately after my appointment yesterday, I wanted my 30 days back! Today, I am grateful for all that I learned and for my ever growing testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and for yet again another personal witness that Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ know me, they know what I need to learn, they know my fears and pain and they guide me to peace. 

I didn't expect to record all this tonight, I hope it makes sense, it is all still very raw. I tired, and maybe a bit drained, but my spirit is renewed and I am ready to move on. I am blessed. ~E

Today couldn't come soon enough!

For a couple reasons today just couldn't come soon enough! I will get to that in a few. First I must mention this weekend.

It was one of my favrite weekends of the year. General Confrence! Sadly I missed saturday's 2 sessions because we had some shopping to do. Thankfully for modern technology I can download all the talks to my Ipad! I did listen to both Sunday sessions. They were wonderful. During the last message from our Prophet, President Monson, I found myself wishing for more. I love to feel so spiritually uplifted, I truley needed it this weekend.

I also found time to finish a book I have been trying to finish for over a year. I really liked it. Here is my review.


The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I really loved this book. The narration is very unique, as the Narrator is Death. Death is merely an observer of the human race; who has the job of relieving souls from their earthly life. Death tries very hard to remain emotionally neutral, however when he first meets Liesel, a 9 year old German girl in Nazi Germany, during WWII, he is captivated by her soul. He follows her through out her life intrigued by her strength and resilience during what seems like one of the darkest times this earth had up to that point seen.

This book was an emotional read. It was so real that sometimes I held my breath while reading it. It was sad, sweet and inspirational. 5 out of 5 for me.

View all my reviews

Now for today.

Today is Wes' new day in his position with Sara Lee. Forgive me, I am not quite sure what his offical title is, but I do know that he is a Key Account Manager. We have known about this change for quite a while, so we are so happy it is finally here! I am so proud of him. He has had his eyes on this positions for years. He can now check it off his list!

As for me. It has been a month since I first heard the word cancer. Today is the day I go see a specialist. Hoping for the Doc to look at the c-Scan and x-rays and say it is all nothing. Expecting him to say, not sure let's schedule more tests. I am just glad this waiting is over. Even if I don't get a definitive answer, at least I can ask some questions! I feel at peace, pretty sure Heavenly Father has been carrying me for the last month. I am indeed grateful. I have felt every prayer offered for my sake and will gladly accept more. Thanks Friends. ~E

FHE: Dinner and a Movie

Last night for Family Home Evening we took the kiddos out for Chinese food and a movie, "Diary of a Wimpy Kid."  Going out for dinner and going to movies are two of our favorite activities so it was double fun. Dinner was good and the movie was hilarious! It does have a bit of potty humor, but, if you know my family that is funny. The biggest impression that was left with me as I walked out of the theatre wasn't all of the humor or the clever story, it was the very subtle notion of having a diary.

Everyone should have a diary or a journal kids and adults alike. I remember my first diary. It was no bigger than 3x5 and it locked. My Mom started for me when I was an infant. She wrote all kinds of stories about me up until I could write myself. Then when I was 8 I got one for my baptism, I think I was pretty good at writing in it. When I turned 12 I got my last one that I can remember. I mostly only wrote in it when I was piping mad at my parents about this or that, or when friends were being mean and probably a bit about boys...mostly drama ( I was a normal teenager).

Unfortunately, I don't have any of these journals. They were all destroyed in the Tornado. Because of this I am feeling a bit of an urgency to try to remember some of those stories, so that my children and their children will have them.

My Grandma Joan started keeping a faithful journal when she was in her early 50's. When she died she left about 10 really good journals. Being able to look back and read her journals has been such a learning experience for me. She documented her conversion to the church when she was a young navy wife with a few little babies. She documented her testimony not only formally, but every single day as she talked about her prays, faith and blessings. She documented her struggles and her pains, and how the Lord never turned his back on her.

I had an exceptionally hard pregnancy with Hayden. Through out I kept a pretty extensive journal. In it I kept a good record of what happened during his birth, we both almost died. I lost the journal in the tornado, but I was blessed because I can look back in my grandma's journal to the week of the birth and she recorded a whole bunch of things about it. Things that I had forgotten. That is one of those Tender Mercies that the Lord has blessed me with.

So here I am starting over with my Journals. I plan to use this blog, 1: because it can't fly away and 2: it's convenient. Some of the memories I blog may not have any value to strangers or friends, but maybe like the entries from my Grandma's Journal about Hayden's birth, something will mean something to someone in my family when I am long gone. Consider this my first entry. Hopefully I will be diligent in my efforts and my mind will be clear so I can remember the important things. ~E

Focus.

Staying focused has got to be one of my biggest challenges. I really do have a mind that wanders away if I let it. For me, right now, I am holding to focus with a death grip.

Test.
I have 2 tests today. One on Adolescent Development and one on GPS, GIS and statistics. I need focus for the latter, because I was not at all interested in it. I have had a really hard time focusing on my school lately. However, I am so glad I am going. I am proud of myself for taking the initiative to go back, it is a priceless lesson that I am teaching my kids about getting an education, the same lesson my Mom taught me.

Today.
I spoke to one of my dearest friends this week, Hayely. She is actually one of my best friends from High school and happens to be my 1st cousin. She is one of those friends who, even with no contact for over 10 years, I can speak to as if I have every day for 10 years. She helped me with my focus. Focus to live in the present, the now. I have a tendency to get ahead of myself, and when I do so, I start panicking. So today I am enjoying this snowy day and sipping Hot Chocolate with my little Sophie.

Results.
There is a well defined non-calcified nodule present in the right lung, lower lobe. 7mm X 3mm thick. 
This is the news I got 2 weeks ago. I will see a lung doctor April 4th. Most likely he will just schedule more tests. I am trying really hard to be positive. Focus is the key. Focus on today, on my positive thoughts. Focus on my husband who is very positive and has no doubt that I am fine. Focus on being a good Mom, Focus on my blessings, Focus on the deep breath that I am taking today.


Focus, Focus...Focus.

Quick Update

Well, last week was not the bomb! Wes was away on business for 6 days, and that was not as easy as it used to be. He is just such a huge part of my happiness!! I missed him. I wrapped up my Doctor supervised diet with my GP and Psychologist, however I am not submitting my paperwork for a month at least. I am going to see a specialist for my lungs first, I would hate to have surgery before my lungs are well. That is all for now. Have a happy day!

Powerful.

I awoke to this news (with the rest of the world).

 These Photos hold such power in them. Sadly, I remember when the Tsunami hit Thailand years ago and I was amazed by the pictures that I saw, fascinated by the damage done; however, now pictures of devastation are very personal for me. These pictures are all over the news today and will be for the next few weeks; eventually the story will loose it's shock factor and the world will move on to new stories. Japan will not recover so quickly. This kind of devastation I am sure will take over a decade to mend. Not just the infrastructure, but the hearts and souls of the Japanese people will need to be healed. It's such an amazing feeling, literally helplessness sets in when you realize just how vulnerable you are as a human being, and you are forever changed. This earth we live on is much more powerful than anything that we can ever come up against. Please, if you are reading this, no matter what higher power you believe in, pray for Japan and it's people, pray to express gratitude for your safety, and don't take for granted your own stability and security's because like mine were taken away in 30 seconds almost 3 years ago, and Japans was gone in 2 minutes today, you never know when you will loose yours.