Unanswered Prayer....

I've been thinking alot lately about how life has changed so much in the last year. Especially from May 25Th. Some changes are very hard to swallow, but the good out ways the bad by far; we are better people now, stronger, humbled, more faithful. Far more Grateful for the little things, little moments, every breath given. We realize life is short, we need to make each day count. Things can change so quickly.

Something that I think about everyday, is an unanswered prayer that day, offered by me, cried out loud in fear. There were actually 2 prayers that day given by me, both at the same time. The other one was answered. The other was a prayer of the heart, quiet pleading that I am so grateful was answered.

I knew it was coming, I knew that the Tornado was coming. I felt something the whole day. Something was off....I monitored the weather all day long. I was calm, going into the storm room I felt safe. Wes offered a prayer that made us all feel calm. But, When the storm was over us, and I could feel the pressure, and I was breathing in falling concrete. The fear of a mother came upon me...I screamed out a prayer asking the Lord to please take us all, please don't leave any of us alive without the others. Thoughts ran through my mind, flashed of my kids being left without Wes or i or both of us gone.....I asked this prayer in fear. In my heart another prayer was asked simultaneously as the other...please let us all live...this prayer was heard, it was loud and clear, it was a pleading in faith...it was answered. I have struggled, I have felt shame for letting the fear get to me. I have struggled with the fact that I asked for us to die. My son heard this prayer, he heard me ask for this. Something I didn't even know until our counseling session. I am sooo grateful the prayer of my heart won out, I am so grateful the Lord saw my faith through my fear. We are all alive. i am grateful for Wes' strength and for his faith, for his prayer.

My family and I are grieving, we are sensing loss, we are healing. Life changed that day. We can't even explain it....it is not easy, especially because we had to move so quickly. I wonder if it would have been easier being around others who knew what we had been through. Our friends and family and community have been great. I have no complaints, only gratefulness. But, we are having a hard time, connecting, expressing our loss. It's hard to just step right back into life with a smile. I pray for help and guidance. I pray for my kids to only take away the positive. I know Heavenly Father will hear me and do what is best and needed for us.

I am grateful for my unanswered prayer that day. I am grateful for my life and for the precious lives of my family....I will never take life for granted. I will never take my children for granted. I will never take my faith for granted. Amen