Well, I am thinking it has been a while. Things have been kind of a struggle lately. I can't really put my finger on it, but I believe it is still all coming from just dealing with the shock, loss and trauma of the tornado. Even as I write this I feel negative vibes because I know there are people who read my blog and just think get over it already. My thoughts to those are....your world has just kept on going, and my world in essence has still been spinning around that day in May 08.
It is something we are so sick of regurgitating but something that takes healing and lots of time. I think the reason I haven't blogged lately is because I really only like to blog happy positive things, and unfortunately this battle I face on a daily basis sometimes makes it hard to be positive all the time. I am breaking down tonight though because I know some of my readers who care are wondering where I have been.
It is really hard to heal when talking about what I went through is such taboo. I sit here in physical pain just thinking about it. And yet there are still people out there that judge me and my children when they hear us talk about it. Gosh it hurts. Recently there was a storm and we happened to be somewhere with a group of people and Hayden came in and made a few comments about the storm and how he was concerned. 2 grown adults looked at each other and rolled their eyes at him not knowing I saw. These people should know better.My son lives in terror everyday...for heaven sake I dream of trying to protect my family from a catastrophe every other night. just last week I was up all night because of the thunder...he is 11 years old shame on you for judging him.
This blog is really all I have, this blog is how I get my feelings out....and yet I still have to deal with ill will because of it. I have considered many alternatives. Going private, starting a new blog that no one knows about... but, I know I have readers that really do care and they far out weigh the ones who don't. I am grateful for my good friends and hope to make more. This is just a small taste of my world, I am so grateful for prayer because that is what is keeping me going. That is what gives me hope that my kids will be OK, that this event in their lives won't hurt them in a negative way, hopefully we will all come out stronger. God Bless you all and stay safe ~E
12 comments:
I'm sorry that people can be so insensitive. I have no clue how traumatic that day must have been for and your family. I hope that you can get through this in time. Sorry that you have to go through this.
Traumatic events take YEARS to get over. I find myself still feeling pain from my divorce almost 6 years ago! It takes time to heal & there are days that it seems like it just happened yesterday. Although I didn't endure losing my belongings and having the threat of losing my life & my families lives I did lose my family in a different way. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Your trials make you stronger. Don't let people put a time line on your healing process. Only you know what it takes to get through it. Take it a day at a time.
I have always admired you because you truely find the positive in all. I am not like that I dwell in hurt and pain more than I want to admit. I sometimes like to see people let down their walls on their blogs because then I feel like I am not the only one who struggles & has trials in life. I have missed your blogging but I too understand the needing time to sort through your own thoughts and feelings. HUGS girl! I loved your post - it lets me see who you really are. :)
I'm sorry people can be so insensitive. Hang in there. Your kids are always so cute and polite to Todd and I. Keep seeing the positive tiny step to the healing process.
It took me years to get over Jill's accident. The stress and trauma does not go away just because people tell you its time to move on. I can't imagine what you guys went through and neither can they. I love to read your blog and love that you are honest about the way you are feeling.
Erin, I'm so sorry that you would have to deal with anything MORE about the tornado. When we had the storm last week, I was awake watching the lightning for a couple of hours in the middle of the night and thought of your family constantly. Then on the day that we had all that smoke in the valley, I actually went to weather.com to check because, again, I was thinking of you. Your experience was traumatic for me! Just knowing that you've gone through something so traumatic has affected so many of us who love and care for you and Wes and the kids. The word "storm" will never be the same.
You and Wes have been an example to us all. That anyone could NOT understand that you've been through something so horrifically life changing shows lack of compassion on their part. I'm so sorry. Hang in there and keep smiling. In time, this pain will soften, but something so life-changing will never go away. I don't think that's what Heavenly Father would want... for us to go through the experiences and just put them on a shelf to forget about them. We learn and grow from every challenge. Maybe it's those who judge who need to learn from this too! Grrrrr. BIG HONKING HUGS TO YOU, MY FRIEND! LYB!!
S~
I can't imagine going through something like that a living-then having to live it over and over again whenever there is a terrible storm outside. Stay close to Heavenly Father and everything will work out. Don't worry what ANYONE else thinks-it's HIM you need to please-no one else. Sorry you have to go through it.
If I were a kid and went through that, I would be terrified of storms. Taylor gets scared of storms and asks if a tornado is coming just from hearing about yours. It is sad when people who don't really give a flip about you read your blog and use it against you. love you, nat
Who is it, I'll beat 'em up! That's what my mom would say at least. Some people are so wrapped up in appearances and judging others to avoid facing their own issues. These people are usually shallow and hollow or deeply wounded. Don'y worry about them. You don't need that negative energy. Abby and Tony still remember that day last year and all three of my older ones sleep in our room when there's any kind of storm. Tony has finally gotten to the point where he can walk down the stairs to our tornado room himself because he isn't paralized with fear when we say we need to go down. Luke still needs to be carried most of the time. I can't watch the news if they're awake because they relate news with weather reports for tornadoes. This all and they've never even actually been "hit" by one. I can't even begin to imagine your terror, but I'll never forget the look on your faces when I got to the Decker's that night. The only other time I've seen a look like the one I saw on Gracie's face was when my h.s. history teacher taught our class about Vietnam after having served there. One thing is for sure (besides this being a long comment) I am profoundly impressed by your family's strength and resolve as you have progressd after this tragedy. I say progressed because I'm not sure if you ever really move on after something that is so deeply a part of you. I think you progress, deal, and overcome. It isn't as simple as moving on. At least we Iowa bloggers are here and I don't know a single one of us who would judge you in the slightest having seen first hand the carnage you survived. Sheesh, shut up me! HUGS!!!!!
I think it will always be a part of your life and who you each will become. It isn't something that can be forgotten. Thinking of all the miracles that happened it shouldn't be forgotten. I love to hear stories of your miracles, it strengthens my faith.
Okay--so granted, we only lost an attic window, the chicken house and some trees... but if it helps you can tell Hayden that I am 32 and I try to put on a good face for my kids. When the weather gets bad, I have the ham radio, the TV and the weather radio all going. The 72 hr kits are always in the basement area that is our "safe place" and I get super edgy when the sky looks a little odd. Inside I am a complete mess when that radio goes off. I'm sending you some hugs. We love you! Don't ever let someone get after you for this. They just don't get it. They never will unless they hear it descend on them...
I think by you sharing your sincere fears and sorrow allows readers to learn from you and gain understanding into what you have been through. It is completely ignorance to expect you and your family to not have lingering PTS (post traumatic syndrome) after something so traumatic and life altering.
Keep on sharing and hopefully you will heal through that process. People that truly love and respect you will be graced to know you better.
Much love and prayers to your family.
being judged by others reminds me of the book To Kill a Mockingbird - "you can't judge a person until you walk a day in their shoes" I have found that we ALL have problems that we deal with whether they be big or small they are still OUR issues and NO ONE knows what it is like for us to deal with them. i can't imagine having the experience your family had but i know how i feel dealing with my own anxiety and panic attacks. it gets frustrating when you hear constantly - "it's just in your head". for me it is REAL! thanks for sharing so we all can be made stronger because of your courage to admit that life isn't always a bowl of cherries. - Mandi
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