Thursday, February 3, 2011

Therapy

I went to my psychologist this week. He had given me an assignment to journal 10 things that I like to do to decompress, and 10 things I dislike doing. My list is as follows:

Like To Do-
  1. Read- anything, news, fiction, non-fiction, blogs...phonebooks, ;)
  2. Exercise- not something I can do real easily with broken feet, but I improvise. I meditate and imagine myself running a marathon. I know I will someday.
  3. Cook
  4. Decorate- as long as conditions are right, the house is clean and peaceful, so my creative juices can flow.
  5. Blog
  6. Take a nice hot bath in my jetted tub, with a good book of course.
  7. Go to the Movies with Wes- If you have ever seen the movie Date Night, Wes and I are the couple that is played by Tina Fey and Steve Carell, we love to watch people and roll play their conversations
  8. I like to take naps with Gracie by my side.
  9. I like to watch old TV shows on my Ipod or pad with headphones on snuggled up in my bed.
  10. I like going to lunch.
Dislikes-
  1. Talking on the phone- hate it! I have never liked the phone, ever just ask my mother.
  2. Baking, I am really good at it, the problem is that I am really good at it and usually one bite is never enough.
  3. Cleaning
  4. Shopping- any kind
  5. watching movies twice
  6. paying bills
  7. taking tests
  8. mushrooms
  9. fair-weather friends
  10. Pride
As I was going through my list with the DR. he noticed that on some of the items I would giggle nervously and apologize for liking or disliking. That turned out to be the topic of the conversation for the day.

He feels like I lack in self -confidence, which I totally see, as soon as he points it out to me. And after one thing led to another we established that I have a major trust issue with the whole world. It's a pretty hard thing to have to face. I even have trouble trusting myself. We went through some of my issues that I have had through out my life. Unfortunatly the last 3 years have been pretty hard for me. Wes loosing a job he loved, loosing a house I had dreamt about, being hurt deeply by a few friends, and now fighting with yet another insurance company...

It has also been established through therapy that I am a narcissist, I tend to only see the bad. Or magnify the bad.

Although the session was very hard for me, I am thankful for the progress that I made. I have to also mention that I am grateful again for tender mercies. The night before my session I decided on a whim that I was going to start memorizing the scripture mastery scriptures from seminary. The first set I turned to was Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

These 2 scriptures helped prepare me for a very hard reality check that was about to occur the next morning. I have no doubt that I was prompted to read them and ponder them that night. 

Life is no easy feat, but, if you look hard enough it is blessed with tender mercies along the way. ~E

2 comments:

Avry said...

How could I have missed all of your updates? I like that you are back though. I have missed you. I have a crappy relationship with food too. I lose weight then I gain it, then I lose it, gain it.. Yes I am up 30 lbs from this time last year. It is a constant battle within myself. I strongly believe I over eat to deal with whatever it is that I am battling with inside. I am glad you are seeing a therapist. I have found that sometimes it is good to have an outside 3rd party assist in getting us back to a better place. I want you to know I think of you often and sometimes feel what you write. I am good at hiding my feelings and have a hard time expressing them. I have always admired that you are REAL. You don't try to be something that you are not & you have so much compassion for others. Anyways I have rambled.. just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you!

Avry said...

A couple more things.. I have done medifast and holy crap I lost 40 lbs!! But I am going to tell you it gets expensive.. Anyways have you looked into a lap band? My close girlfriend got one and so did my boss at work. Both have had good success stories. (just a thought)
Insurance companies SUCK! I have been battling with bone loss & have to get some bone grafting done in my jaw.. insurance is fighting me on that.. GOod luck in your "battle" HUGS!